


Everybody kill the dinosaur

by Sassdoesstuff05



Series: Just get what’s on the list [3]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: (whoapparentlyhaveathingfortourguides), Attempt at Humor, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Flirting, Crack, Cute Yamaguchi Tadashi, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Humor, Internal Monologue, It won't make sense if you haven't read the first two parts of the series, M/M, Museums, Mutual Pining, Tsukishima works at a museum, Yamaguchi and Yachi are good friends, Yamaguchi is lowkey weird, Yamaguchi needs a better filter, nobody kills a hecking dino
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-16 21:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28713396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sassdoesstuff05/pseuds/Sassdoesstuff05
Summary: “What does a triceratops sit on?” Kuroo asked, pushing another question. Both boys stared at Kuroo expectantly (well, Yamaguchi expectantly, Tsukishima disgustedly).“It’s tricera-bottom!” Kuroo said loudly, clutching his stomach as he laughed.“Like on its lap?” Yamaguchi asked, “cause wouldn’t-” the words died at his throat as he picked up on the context, “nevermind.” He felt both Kuroo and Tsukishima stare at him.“No, no, no continue, Yamaguchi, you’re onto something,” Kuroo said, waving his hand in a circular motion.“Please continue, Yamaguchi.” He stared at Tsukishima for a second, mouth falling ajar at the smirk that was slowly crawling across the blonde’s face.Notes: This will NOT make sense if you don't read the first two parts of this series :)
Relationships: (Main pair), (if you squint) - Relationship, Shimizu Kiyoko/Yachi Hitoka, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Just get what’s on the list [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1905421
Comments: 24
Kudos: 108





	Everybody kill the dinosaur

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I took one look at my math project requirements page and went heck no so here we areee (a lot of months late but still hereeee)

“We should go to the museum for our next team-building day,” Yachi said. 

“The one with the dinosaurs and stuff?” Yamaguchi looked at her blankly. _Is she really suggesting going to a museum? With dinosaurs? That she believes can come alive at any minute? And eat her?_

“Yeah.” 

“I thought you were scared of dinosaurs.” 

“I was, but I went to the museum seven times to face my fears! Also, I know someone who works there,” she said cheerfully. Yamaguchi stared at her, mouth slightly open. He looked at the other people in the room, trying to gage their reactions.

“Sound boring,” Kuroo said, shrugging and unphased, “and nerdy.”

“Dinosaurs are so cool!” Nishinoya shrieked, perking up at the thought of seeing them. 

“I actually think it’s a great idea,” Daichi, their team manager said, nodding along. 

“It would be educational and fun,” Sugawara agreed.

“Asahi, what do you think?” Yamguchi asked, the man had been quiet since the whole dinosaur conversation started. 

“Uh, I’m fine but dinosaurs are a little bit… yeah, I’m ok,” Asahi stuttered, letting out an awkward cough. 

“Great, so do we want to do a tour or just wander around?”

“I think we should do a tour to make sure we get everything in. I can help arrange a group tour,” Yachi said. The other nodded along. 

“Great, so next Saturday we’ll be meeting at the museum. I’ll send an email with more information. No, we’ll not be paying for your tickets, but we might get a group discount!” Sugawara said happily, clasping his hands together. 

* * *

They did end up going to the museum. On a cold, miserable Sunday morning.

“Is everyone here?” Sugawara asked, looking at the small group. 

“Where’s Asahi?” Kuroo asked.

“He’s sick,” Noya said, frowning. 

“How convenient,” Kuroo snorted.

“Couldn’t we have done this on a warmer day? And, like maybe not so early?” Daichi muttered, stuffing a free hand into his pocket.

“We could’ve, but we wouldn’t have gotten the extra discount,” Sugawara said through clenched teeth before quietly adding, “and I didn’t want to deal with any _cheapskates_ complaining about the prices.” 

_Oh my god it is so cold. My hands. My poor, poor hands. They’re so pale and- oh my god are they turning blue? I should’ve brought my gloves._

Yamaguchi inspected his hands as he stood next to a well-prepared Yachi who looked _very_ warm and cozy in her plush jacket and gloves. _Oh god, she looks sick, but like more than usual. Is she ok?_

“Are you ok?” Yamaguchi asked.

“Yeah!” she replied enthusiastically, hands restless. 

“Are you sure?”

“Do I not look ok?” she cried out, burying her face in her hands.

“No, no no! You look fine but really nervous.” 

“She’s going to think I’m sick,” Yachi moaned.

“No! No one’s gonna think you’re sick,” Yamaguchi said, anxiously waving his hands in a ‘no’ motion. 

It took Yachi a few minutes, but she eventually calmed. Not because of Yamaguchi’s frantic convincing, but because of Sugawara who put a calming hand on her shoulder.

“So, what are we waiting for?” Kuroo asked.

“We’re waiting for an employee to let us in. They should be coming any minute now,” Sugawara replied. 

“I think I see her,” Daichi said, gesturing to a woman with dark flowy hair who they could see walking towards the glass door. 

“Oh my god that’s her,” Yachi said, holding her stomach. She opened the door, letting everyone in before immediately greeting the team leaders. 

_Oh, sweet, sweet warmth. I’m a creature of the sun, that’s why I have freckles. Bless whoever made space heaters. Bless whoever made insulation. My beautiful hands can feel again._

Yamaguchi studied his hands for a few seconds, squinting at them. _Why are my hands so ugly? Why? More importantly, how? My nails are kinda long, I should probably cut them. Maybe that’ll make my hands look better. Ew, my cuticles look so long. I need to push them back. Maybe Yachi would be open to a manicure day. Or Sugawara. Sugarwara has nice nails._

“Hello, I’m Shimizu Kiyoko,” the objectively attractive woman in front of him said.

“Hi,” Yamaguchi said, snapping out of his thoughts. He glanced down at her hands. _Huh, even her nails look nice. Does everyone but me have nice nails?_ She gave him a polite smile before talking to Yachi. 

“Hi, Yachi,” she said with a warmer smile, “I’m glad you decided to come,”

“Hi! Thank you for letting us come!” Yachi managed to squeak out. 

“Ok, so I won’t be able to guide your tour today but I have another coworker who’s agreed to take over. He should be here any minute.” 

“Oh, ok,” Yachi said, visibly deflating. 

“The whole tour takes about 2 and a half hours but I’ll come around 15 minutes before it ends to help wrap it up.” 

“Oh, that’s good!” Yachi said, perking up slightly, a lingering smile on her face. 

“Welcome, my name is Tsukishima Kei. I will be leading your tour.” Yamaguchi’s head whipped towards the sound, mouth agape as his eyes landed on the blonde boy in front of him.

_Oh no. Oh no. Oh no. I should’ve called in sick. I should’ve been hit by that speeding car. I can’t fake passing out! That’ll bring me too much attention. Oh my god. Oh lord he’s gonna look my way. I need to hide. I. Need. To. Hide. I knew I should’ve spent an extra minute on my hair. Oh phew, he didn’t look my way. Thank god. Oh shoot he’s looking again. Universe, why me? God, I told you I wasn’t good in these kinds of situations I- Oh, good. He’s looking away._

It had been two weeks since the whole take-out debacle and he had been able to push it out of his mind. Unfortunately the universe had other plans as his embarrassing act was pushed to the very front of his mind. 

_I looked like trash. I talked to random things and told him I talked to myself because I’m fucking insane. I gave him an unwanted nickname and practically told him to shut up. To top it all off, I made a weird joke. You’ve really outdone yourself this time, Tadashi._

Another part of his brain decided to chime in: _But he thinks you’re cute~_

While Yamaguchi was (once again) lost in his thoughts, he’d forgotten to actively hide from the blonde’s view. 

“As you know, this tour will-” Tsukishima stopped for a moment, eyes catching sight of Yamaguchi’s surprised face. _Oh no._ He cleared his throat, “sorry, as I was saying before this tour will…” Yamaguchi zoned out, thoughts racing across his mind.

_Oh shoot he saw me. He. Saw. Me. He probably still thinks I’m insane (and cute). Oh god he doesn’t think I’m stalking him, does he?_

Thankfully, his brain stopped him from blurting out ‘I’m not stalking you’ and instead opted for pretending to listen and nod along _like a normal human being_. 

_I’ll just act like it didn’t happen. Totally Cool. With a capital ‘c’. I’m Gucci! Literally because my name has a word that sounds like ‘gucci’ in it. Take that Universe! I was meant to be good._

Yamaguchi pursed his lips together, trying to not physically react to his own dumb joke. He couldn’t help but smile a little too widely. He saw the blonde boy look at him, slightly frowning while he talked. 

_Oh god he thinks I’m laughing at him. Or he thinks I’m creepily smiling at him. This is why we can’t make dumb jokes in our head._

Yamaguchi moved to stand behind Kuroo, trying to hide himself from view in the most natural way possible. He could see the other boy glance at him every few seconds, as if he was trying to figure out what he was doing. 

Eventually the group started moving and Yamaguchi continued to stand behind Kuroo, using him as a human shield. 

“Damn, look at all those bones,” Kuroo said, softly whistling.

“They aren’t bones, just casts made from molds that are based on the original fossil,” Tsukishima said, fixing his glasses.

“So they’re based on the original bones?” 

“No. They’re based on the fossils.” 

“Aren’t bones and fossils the same thing?” Yamaguchi almost laughed at how disgusted the other boy looked by the question.

“No, they’re not. When an animal dies and sediment and mud covers it, the soft parts decompose and get eaten away. The bones and the other hard parts will remain and the sediment around it will harden into rock, slowly replacing the bone’s original material along with minerals. That is what a fossil is. A bone is, well, I’m just going to assume you know what a bone is,” Tsukishima replied, before introducing the dinosaur in front of them. 

“Yamaguchi,” Yachi whispered, gently tugging on his sleeve.

“Yeah?” He glanced at Yachi, trying to find any signs of discomfort on her face.

“I’m gonna go, I’ll be right back.”

“Uh, ok. Do you want me to come with you?”

“No, thanks,” she whispered before heading away from the group. _Huh, that was weird._

  
  


For some reason, when Yamaguchi looked back at Tsukishima couldn’t pay attention to anything the other man was saying. The way his lips moved when forming words paired with a stance that oozed with confidence shook Yamaguchi’s focus. 

_Stop looking at his freaking mouth. Look at his eyes. They’re equally pretty. Oh god I’m so shallow and superficial. Just listen to what he’s saying. What if there’s a quiz at the end? Oh my god these things always have an impromptu quiz at the end. Or is that only for students? I’m gonna fail the quiz because I was too busy paying attention to the wrong things. Oh shoot. Oh shoot. Focus on the words. Focus on the words._

Or, he could just not look at all. Maybe he’d focus better if he looked away? 

_Hi, floor. How’re you doing? Look, I know it’s rude to stare but I’m really trying not to look at someone else right now, ok? You’re a safe place for me to look. And you’re very clean. Wow you literally have no dirt or dust. Oh fork, my shoes are kinda dirty. Am I messing up your look? I’m totally messing up your look. You know what? A little dirt never hurt any-_

“Um, Yamaguchi?” Sugawara called out as the group moved forward. 

“Oh, uh, shoot, sorry,” Yamaguchi apologized as he made his way back to the group. His eyes went to Tsukishima immediately ( _he’s the one we’re supposed to be following, of course I’m gonna look at him. Pft, it’s not looking at him for any other reason. Yup, no other reason_ ). 

“Is everyone caught up?” Tsukishima asked, looking directly at him. There wasn’t any maliciousness in his voice, the sentence was only supposed to be teasing. 

“Yeah,” Daichi confirmed, nodding his head. Yamaguchi moved a few inches every couple seconds making his way closer and closer to Kuroo. He’d be able to safely and discreetly hide behind the other boy before, so he had no problem doing it again. Tsukishima’s eyes still followed him and he probably looked stupid hiding behind the taller man, but Yamaguchi had no idea what else to do. 

As the tour stretched on, Yamaguchi slowly moved farther away from Kuroo, keeping an eye out for wherever Yachi had gone. They made their way across the museum, with still no sign from YachI (and thankfully, no surprise quiz).

_To: Yachi!!!_

_Are you ok?_

_From: Yachi!!!_

_Yeah, don’t worry :)))_

_To: Yachi!!!_

_Cool just checking :))_

“And that will conclude our tour for today. Thank you for coming. I will be here for a few more minutes if anyone has any questions.” Tsukishima said, addressing the group for a final time. _I love how the tour ends near the gift shop. What a marketing technique. Well, might as well have a look. Dinosaurs are cute._

And so Yamaguchi strolled into the gift, free of any anxious thoughts relating to Tsukishima.

_Open the door, get on the floor. Everybody walk the dinosaur,_ Yamaguchi hummed as he walked. The song’s chorus (it was the only part of the song he knew) just started playing in his head and wouldn’t stop. _Well, at least it’s fitting_. 

“You know, I can’t tell if you’re singing the part that goes ‘Everybody kill the dinosaur’ or ‘Everybody walk the dinosaur’.”

“Oh my god,” Yamaguchi put a hand on his chest, freaked out. Tsukishima remained unphased as the boy had a mini-heart attack.

_Oh my god I think my soul just left my body._ _Tsukki just took three years off of my life_

_He’s so quiet. Why is he so quiet? Why is he always sneaking up on me? I’m probably just really unobservant. Oh shoot is he going to want to converse in a normal way?_

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Tsukishima said, something between a smirk and a smile on his lips.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about it,” Yamaguchi said, waving his hand dismissively.

“Well, which one was it?”

“Um, sorry?”

“Were you humming ‘Everybody kill the dinosaur’ or ‘Everybody walk the dinosaur’?” 

“There’s a version that says ‘Everybody kill the dinosaur?” Yamaguchi asked, eyes widening.

“It’s a part of the original song,” Tsukishima said, letting out a small laugh. Yamaguchi felt himself tilting his head up slightly to look the boy in the eye. It made him feel small.

“Really?”

“Yes, it’s always been there.” There was a moment of silence between the boys. _Oh my god that is so cute he knows that song well enough to know those lyrics._

“I didn’t realize you worked at a museum,”

“You couldn’t have been able to know that. We’re not exactly anything more than acquaintances.” _I want to be more than acquaintances._

“Well, I know you like strawberries,” Yamaguchi said before his brain could tell him to shut up. 

“What?”

“I’m not stalking you!” Yamaguchi said, a little louder than necessary. He saw a few heads turn in his direction, but he chose to ignore their stares. 

“First you show up at my workplace, then you name my favorite food. You’re not providing a very strong case,” Tsukishima’s eyes slightly crinkled in amusement as he watched the other boy turn a shade of pink. 

“Well, you just had a lot of strawberry stuff in your cart,” Yamaguchi explained, hands fidgeting with the cuff of his sleeve. 

“You’re observant,” Tsukishima said, before his attention was diverted elsewhere, “I think I see your girlfriend coming back,” 

“Huh?” Yamaguchi asked, following Tsukishima’s line of sight to find Yachi walking into the shop with the pretty dark-haired girl from earlier, “oh, Yachi. We’re not dating,” 

“Really? You two seemed close,” 

“I distinctly remember telling you I was gay, Tsukki,” Yamaguchi said, mind flashing back to the conversation they’d had at the restaurant. 

“Tch, I assumed that you used it as an umbrella term.” 

“Hey,” Kuroo said, butting into their conversation, “four-eyes, how’re you doing?”

“My name is Tsukishima. I’m doing fine, thank you. And you?” Yamaguchi watched as Tsukishima visibly stiffened, his smile disappearing.

“I’m doing great. So, dinosaurs, huh? Pretty intense stuff,”

“Do you have a question?” 

“Are you a dinosaur?”

“No,” Tsukishima said, frowning as he pushed his glasses up. 

“What does a triceratops sit on?” Kuroo asked, pushing another question. Both boys stared at Kuroo expectantly (well, Yamaguchi expectantly, Tsukishima disgustedly). 

“It’s tricera-bottom!” Kuroo said loudly, clutching his stomach as he laughed. 

“Like on its lap?” Yamaguchi asked, “cause wouldn’t-” the words died at his throat as he picked up on the context, “nevermind.” He felt both Kuroo and Tsukishima stare at him.

“No, no, no continue, Yamaguchi, you’re onto something,” Kuroo said, waving his hand in a circular motion.

“Please continue, Yamaguchi.” He stared at Tsukishima for a second, mouth falling ajar at the smirk that was slowly crawling across the blonde’s face. 

“I really don’t think it’s professional to- Let me start over. I just misinterpreted the whole thing and didn’t take the context into account. When I heard the words ‘top’ an-” his words, once again, died in his throat. He cleared his throat, “it was just a misunderstanding,” 

“If that was a weird way of asking me to sit on you, the answer is no,” Tsukishima said, turning to Kuroo. 

“Are you assuming you’d be the one sitting on me?”

“The answer is still no, regardless,” Tsukishima said, faltering only slightly.

“What about you, Yamaguchi?” 

“I don’t really think about sitting on people?” Yamaguchi said, but it came out as more of a question.

“Ah, so you’re only fine with people sitting on you. I had a feeling. Like a really strong one,” Kuroo said, bumping Yamaguchi’s shoulder. 

“I don’t want anyone to sit on me either,” Yamaguchi said, waving his hands. His voice had probably raised an octave and he was desperately searching for another topic of conversation. _You brought this upon yourself you stupid, stupid dirty-minded freak._

A silence that was really only uncomfortable for Yamaguchi came about, leaving both boys looking at him. He felt compelled to say something. Thankfully, Kuroo beat him to it. 

“It was nice meeting you, four eyes. I’m gonna look around some more.” Kuroo walked near the blond, dropping a crumpled piece of paper Yamaguchi hadn’t even noticed before into the blonde’s hand. Tsukishima looked disgusted at the contact, glancing at the paper quickly before crumpling it up and shoving it into his pocket. Yamaguchi frowned at the action, an uneasy feeling bubbling in his stomach. _Oh my god he’s looking at me. Now I have to say something._

“The weather, am I right? So cold,” Yamaguchi said, words stumbling out of his mouth before he could stop them. 

“It’s much nicer in the afternoon,” Tsukishima commented.

Silence. 

Tsukishima’s eyes stayed on him, head tilted slightly downward. _Oh god this is awkward._

“I really liked your, uh, tour, Tsukki. I’m glad I got to come here.” Yamaguchi wrapped his hands around one another anxious.

“Thanks, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Yamaguchi watched as Tsukishima fished a small piece of paper out of his pocket. He unfolded it, glancing at the contents inside for half a second before throwing it away in the trash can nearby. _Oh my god was that Kuroo’s number? Dang would he do that if I gave him mine? He that right in front of me oh my god he’s so coldblooded. Like a reptile. Dinosaurs are reptiles. Were dinosaurs cold-blooded?_

“Were dinosaurs cold-blooded?” Yamaguchi asked aloud.

“Research in the past has pointed to them actually being warm-blooded creatures. However, new exploration suggests that they were neither cold-blooded or warm-blooded,” Tsukishima explained. 

“Oh.”

“What brought about that question?”

“I was just… curious.” Yamaguchi shifted his weight between his feet as they stood near the door. He focused on a few cheap dinosaur keychains that hung on a display and pooled in a plastic bin. Tsukishima pulled a notepad out of his pocket, jotting down a few numbers.

_Oh my god stop staring at what he’s writing. What if it’s personal? Look at the shiny dinosaurs instead. Ooh, plastic._

“I have to give another tour in a few minutes,” Tsukishima began, pulling Yamaguchi from his thoughts, “but if you have any more questions you can reach me here.” _Oh my god. I have his number. He’s giving me his number. Yes, yes, yes, yes, god yes. Thank you universe. I didn’t even have to ask for it._

“Thank you,” Yamaguchi said, smiling as he took the paper. He would _not_ be disposing of it. Ever. 

“I’ll see you later,” Tsukishima said.

“Bye,” Yamaguchi breathed, giving him a small wave. He watched him as he walked off, waiting until he was absolutely sure that he wasn’t around before letting out a small fist-pump.

The group was shortly rounded up near the exit, Sugawara directing them all like school children. 

“Thank you all for coming!” Kiyoko started, “I’ll be passing out cards with the contact information of your tour guide in case you want to use him again for another visit or leave a review. Have a nice day!” Yamaguchi’s lips curled into a frown as he was handed a card. 

In neat, print letters it read ‘ _Tsukishima Kei: XXXX-XXX-XXX’_

_I guess I’m not a special snowflake after all._ He let his hand fall into his pocket, grabbing the number Tsukishima had written with a sigh. _Wait hold on._ He glanced back and forth between the two papers, a smile growing increasingly wide. _Oh my god, they’re different. I am a special snowflake. I win._

He wasn’t sure if it was the cold wind from the outside or happiness that caused his eyes to water slightly. 

_Wait, I don’t have any more questions about dinosaurs. It’s definitely gonna be creepy if I just randomly text him._

“Hey, Yachi,” he said, turning to his friend, “remember how you said you were afraid of dinosaurs?”  
“Don’t worry, I’ve faced my fears,” she replied with a bright smile.

“No you haven’t. You ran away when we were looking at the dinosaurs.”

They stared at one another. Yachi cleared her throat.

“They’re welcoming a new exhibit in two weeks,” she said, “Kiyoko and Tsukishima-san will both be working.”

“Oh my god, you noticed?” Yamaguchi groaned.

“Didn’t he give you his number in the gift shop?”  
“Yeah, but at least I didn’t _run_ away with another tour guide. Tsukki’s feelings were probably hurt,” Yamaguchi snickered. 

“Tsukki?”  
Yamaguchi blinked.

“Sorry, I meant Tsukishima. I’ve met him before.”

“From where?”

“Uh, grocery store? And a restaurant but both times I was weird. But anyways, we’re coming back in two weeks?”

“You’re so stalkerish.”

“ _You_ said you went ten times or something-”

“It was seven! Well, now it’s eight...” Yachi said, sentence trailing off. 

“Well, Hitoka-san, it is our job as citizens to support our museum!”

“Exactly, Yamaguchi-san.” They stared at each other for a few seconds, whatever poise they had slowly slipping through their fingers as they burst out laughing. 

“You gotta help me write a good dinosaur question to Tsukki, though. And promise to come with me!”

“I promise!” They linked pinkies for a second, securing the promise and their plans. 

_Good friends help other friends subtly stalk their ‘friends’,_ Yamaguchi decided, his thin cape of confidence flowing in the harsh wind. 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Ahaha I wildly misinterpreted the whole tricera-bottom joke the first time i read it…
> 
> Oh my god im so happy i found out how to fix my minecraft. It’s been crashing with exit code 0 for months. Oh wow im so tired my eyes hurt and my head hurts but I can’t wait to post this tomorrow. Part of the reason that this took so long was because i was trying to not write crack/not so serious stuff and kinda failed. Also, 100+ real-life people? Left? Kudos? On? My? Last? Work? I’m kinda still processing it cause that’s a lot of people. I guess what I’m trying to say is: Thank you for reading the stupid things I write :) One day I’m gonna write something serious and angsty and I’m gonna make you cry (i mean this in the best way possible i swear). Check out my instagram if you want: sassdoesstuff05 I post art n stuff.
> 
> Note: ‘Walk the Dinosaur’ and ‘I’m Still Standing’ were listened to an ungodly amount of times for no particular reason to create… this.


End file.
